Aisle be back: Canes v Force and the Lions touchdown

Cue grainy black and white film. Cue Movie Pathe voiceover.

"And it's kia ora and hello to the latest contingent of tourists from the Mother Country - but what a bunch of tourists these are.

Long and tall and short - and that's just the plane needed to carry the team.

I'm counting them now as they descend the steps from the BOAC Stratocaster jet. Yes, there are the English yeomen, the Welsh boyos, and the Irish lads. And my word, yes, I think that's a Scotsman right at the back. No, make it three. Thank heavens, someone needed to carry the bags.

What a welcome they're receiving from the traditional Maori group. And the visitors appear to have not been informed of the appropriate dress code, having turned up in very natty blazers, with ties. Oh well, as they say you can take the lad out of Savile Row, but you can't take the Savile Row out of the lad.

Now there's the solemn laying down of the speeches. And no doubt for the benefit of the waiting fans, they're shorter than a scrumhalf.

Here's the coach, and he may be familiar to some of you. Mr Warren Gatling. As with the better sort of New Zealander, he's been plying his trade overseas in return for currency of the proper sort, and now he returns, to his beloved homeland, with a mission to leave us all with thrilling memories of dashing rugby feats.

No mention there from Mr Gatling of the 2011 tourists, led by Sir Clifford Woodhead. They were famous for many things, and in between, also played some rugby football, though not of the sort to trouble the mighty New Zealand team.

Not that there's any sign of those fearsome Men in Black yet. They're in waiting, of course, conserving their strength for the challenges ahead. And even more are waiting for their headaches to clear. For yes, these are different times. No longer is a headache the product of a consumption of fine ale.

But none of that need trouble us today. For today is the day we say once again, hello to our new friends and their 20,000 fellow travellers. Here's to the warmest of welcomes, off the field, and of course, on the field.

And so we close, New Zealand,  with images of the waiting fans.

They'll be there on Saturday, cheering on the Provincial Barbarians. And as someone raised in those very provinces, I must say - what a splendid name that is!"

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If you read last week's blog, you'll know that the Super Rugby numbers have, as I and my old maths teacher predicted, been changed to confuse the ignorant.

A draw was not what the misfiring Chiefs had in mind, and coach Rennie seems ready to scrap it out for fifth place.  Or in other words, it's us or them.

Or is it? Of course, if you haven't worked it out, everyone has a more than passing interest in seeing the Highlanders knock over the invincible Crusaders.

That is of course not at all likely. But the Landers have enough quality to pull off an upset, the one we need to set up a tilt at winning the conference,

There's still the Perth peril to negotiate this weekend of course, with the Canes carrying a few injury, or rather concussion, worries.

Let's just hope Nehe makes it back, stays well, and produces enough to have himself still in the Lions frame.  It'd be nice if his wretched luck finally turns, and for good.

Lifelong All Blacks supporter Kev has followed the Hurricanes since they began. Last year his faith in them was rewarded when they won the title – can they do it again?