Aisle be back: Hurricanes v Chiefs quarter-final

Above: Jeff Toomaga-Allen is starting in his 100th game on Friday for the Hurricanes.

The UK's Royal Post recently published a set of stamps to mark the 50th anniversary of the country's greatest ever sitcom, Dad's Army.

Each stamp has a catchphrase of one of the characters.

Given this Friday's quarterfinal could be a tragedy for fans, I thought it might be better to treat it as a comedy.

We're Doomed, Doomed

Pretty much. I've tried to be optimistic in the lead-up to this Friday but it's hard to feel like the side actually has a win in them in the quarters.

I'm sure they'll try hard, and maybe go close, but even with home advantage, the terminal trajectory of the side feels like a a pilot in a spin who realises he needs another 5000 feet to pull out.

So prove me wrong. I just would rather be pleasantly surprised than left gutted. This is called managing one's expectations.

Stupid Boy!

That's right. As in the case of the horse walking into a bar, why the long face?  It's a one-off finals footy match, and we've still got some stellar players om the park. If they fire, we can win. We will win.

Just needs the forwards to stand up. And they've done that before. 

It's the Chiefs for chrissakes and we're playing at home. Get out there!

Put that light out

Which is what is going to happen regardless this weekend for the  Cake Tin. Unless you subscribe to some implausible theories of a few quarter and semi upsets meaning a newly-resurgent Canes actually finishing with a home semi.

Honestly, I'd only say one team has a past of fluking these sorts of things. The Canes.

Do you think that's wise sir?

What? Playing Jordie at centre. Of course not. And the squad has almost as many brackets as a shelving unit.

But what you going to do. Injuries have finally caught up the team. Any chance of getting James Marshall in early.

Do you think I might be excused?

No, not if you're a proper Canes fan. Your job is to sit through the remaining finals games and support your team. You may not believe it will happen, but you have to believe it can happen.

If you're not a proper Canes fan you probably dropped off the train about four rounds ago. Good luck with that.

I'll tell Mum!

Too bloody right I will. What sort of mother wants to raise their son and daughter to be fair weather fans. This is when it gets tough, and the tough choose to stay in the kitchen, because that's where the party is and it's also very warm. Because Mum is cooking scones for the finals.

Don't panic, don't panic!

That's correct. Nail this and it's a one-off crapshoot in Christchurch against the Crusaders. And everyone knows that they're largely our Super Rugby bunnies. Historically that is in recent times. Or the last time we thrashed them, which wasn't that long ago.

In fact, who do you think you are kidding Razor Robertson? Retribution is coming next weekend.

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Hurricanes head coach Chris Boyd has named a largely settled squad for the quarter-final.

Captain Brad Shields has been bracketed to allow him as much time as possible to get over a rib injury while Gareth Evans will start in the No 7 jersey in place of Sam Henwood.

There are minimal changes in the back line, although Boyd has moved Jordie Barrett to centre to allow the return of crowd favourite and centurion Julian Savea to the starting XV.

Savea will be on the right wing with Ben Lam on the left as Nehe Milner-Skudder moves to fullback as the Hurricanes prepare to face the Chiefs for the second straight week after the two sides played out an exciting 80 minutes in Hamilton.

Wes Goosen, who has been recovering from the head knock he suffered last week, has been bracketed on the bench with Jonah Lowe while the squad has been further strengthened by the return from injury of All Black Vaea Fifita.

Boyd said the squad was delighted to have another opportunity to play in front of their home fans and believed the Hurricanes could deliver a performance good enough to keep their season and title hopes alive.

He has been impressed with the way the squad has prepared in the build-up to the match and could sense the excitement levels growing by the day.

Prop Jeff Toomaga-Allen has been named to start in what will be his 100th Super Rugby match.

Toomaga-Allen, who brought up his 100th match for the Hurricanes last week in Hamilton, will become just the 15th Hurricanes player to reach the milestone.

Kevin is a lifetime Hurricanes fan. He and his partner are on a two-year Volunteer Service Abroad posting to Vanuatu's Espiritu Santo island. He's working on a project to build a South Pacific World War 2 museum on the site of an enormous Allied base on the island. Check it out at www.southpacificwwiimuseum.com